Self-love for leaders: it matters more than you think
Leaders spend a lot of their days putting out fires, managing teams and supporting community initiatives. We’re externally focused and constantly looking for ways to build, grow and elevate our organization and its people. It’s hard work, and it can be an uphill slog at times.
These same leaders are often the first ones to give accolades to others. To rave about the work your team has done or to pull a friend aside and give them props for choosing to go to counselling or to support another loved one as they work to find balance in their life.
It’s rooted in the foundation of leadership: building up others and supporting them through their own journey.
But in the midst of the daily work struggle and the show of support for others, we’re forgetting about self-love.
A sense of helplessness
We are seeing leaders falter with burnout, and while they remain with a quiet determination to find a way forward to continue to explore solutions and innovative initiatives, they are feeling helpless.
From the Great Resignation to Quit Quitting — trends coined over the last year of the pandemic — it’s easy for leaders to take the blame and shift into a spiral of self-sabotage.
“What’s wrong with me?”
“How can I better support my team?”
“Why won’t they stay?”
You spiral into imposter syndrome, thinking you’re the wrong person for the job. Low self-esteem creeps in and it all changes the lens on how you see the world.
Everything seems helpless. Instead of a positive reframe on a situation, the view is clouded with negativity and frustration.
It’s time to change the (internal) dialogue
Words matter to yourself just as much as others. You elevate your friend, but what about yourself? Let’s change the internal narrative to come from a place of love and support.
Here is your challenge:
At the end of each day, what have you done that you should be proud of?
Was it hard? Sure. Is it complete? Doesn’t have to be.
Some time ago, I read a book by Wayne Cordeiro, and he shared a dream he had about a family-run farm. People would visit the family farm to buy fresh milk, chicken eggs, and other freshly grown produce. Then, at the end of the day, the farmer would always say, “come back tomorrow, and there will be more.” Daily, customers would continue to show up to purchase the produce. Then, when everything was sold for that day, the farmer would say, “come back tomorrow, and there will be more. Part of self-love is giving yourself permission to rest, recharge your energy by spending time with family and friends, or space to exercise by saying “come back tomorrow, and I will have more.”
Take a moment and consider whether you are actually hearing yourself.
Did your self-love moment come with a “but I didn’t…” or was it confident and strong.
If you aren’t capable of listening and trusting your own perspective, find someone who can support you on that. Maybe there is a trusted person who can give you intentional feedback until you can hear your own voice.
Leadership is a journey of ups and downs, fast turns and long straightaways. Recognize that. Embrace that. And together, let’s find a way to be more gentle with ourselves.